Author Topic: Beginner work out shit  (Read 231 times)

Offline VelvetSphincter

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Beginner work out shit
« on: March 17, 2019, 07:10:32 am »
My mother is signing me up for a Planet Fitness membership, and I want to get strong enough to lift up a 90-pound young lady and fuck her. I struggled bench pressing 50 pounds not counting the bar, and want to be able to do deadlifts and squats, but my knees are so weak that they bend backward. What are some things I should consider with working out? I'm aware of how shit planet fitness is, but its a free gym membership.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2019, 07:12:14 am by VelvetSphincter »


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Beginner work out shit
« on: March 17, 2019, 07:10:32 am »

Offline PunchingArianaGrande

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2019, 07:51:12 am »
Just do SL 5x5 to start as that will get you going. It even has videos on proper form & tracks your progress for you. When you're comfortable with that, you can start getting more extreme  8)

Offline VelvetSphincter

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2019, 01:31:42 pm »
I can't even do a bodyweight squat.


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Offline Mind Jelqer

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2019, 05:45:45 pm »
Then buy a yoga ball or some shit and do squats leaning with it at your back against a wall. I'm doing that for my physical therapy. Also run.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2019, 05:47:25 pm by Mind Jelqer »

Offline PunchingArianaGrande

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2019, 06:36:39 pm »
Are you overweight or do you have some unrelated knee issues? I agree with Mind Jelqer regardless, but depending on what the problem is, there might be certain things you should do

Offline VelvetSphincter

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2019, 09:42:16 pm »
Im 6'3 and around 300-320 pounds. The knee thing is based on years of not bending them right. I've probably done it since grade school.


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Online Lucid

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2019, 10:30:29 pm »
Swimming is a good workout and it'll be easier on the joints and body than running or lifting. You could try doing that for a while if you're not ready to lift yet. I would do some exercises with the board and the leg float things they have at most gym pools that let you focus on working just the arms or the legs. Do some 50s of that down and back the pool and try and keep good form.

Offline 100%SafeSpace

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2019, 01:18:01 am »
As always, check out Convict Conditioning.
It provides a progressive structure for calisthenics.

The squats are gonna be tricky.
There are a lot of mobility exercises that you might need to grind out until you can do a full ass-to-grass bodyweight squat.
YouTube searches: bodyweight squat mobility

If you can't do 20 pushups just put down the bar.
Also stay away from Smith Machines and machines in general (in my opinion).

Offline Mind Jelqer

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2019, 04:09:18 am »
You basically have to use Smith Machines at Planet Fitness. The only free weights are dumbbells and some barbells that go up to like 40 lbs, and you are lucky to get the barbell you want on Mon-Wed before everyone else gives up for the rest of the week and the place is empty.

Don't forget to diet btw. You will lose weight much faster than just working out. You'll have an easier time getting your body moving too. I've know way too many people who burn maybe 600 calories on some machine at the gym, then they go home and crush a couple beers/sodas and eat a bunch of pizza.

Offline VelvetSphincter

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2019, 10:53:13 am »
You basically have to use Smith Machines at Planet Fitness. The only free weights are dumbbells and some barbells that go up to like 40 lbs, and you are lucky to get the barbell you want on Mon-Wed before everyone else gives up for the rest of the week and the place is empty

How big of a problem will the lack free weights be early on? How long will it take until It gets to point where they do nothing for me? I want my body hurt after working out.

Diet always fucks with me when I try to get in shape. I focus too much on counting calories. I want to start with exercise first then get into really dieting. Im not as in this to lose weight, granted it is important. I just want to be stronk
« Last Edit: March 18, 2019, 10:54:59 am by VelvetSphincter »


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Offline Mind Jelqer

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #10 on: March 18, 2019, 07:26:42 pm »
You can get jacked on the machines at Planet Fitness. Don't worry. One of my buds is fucking ripped from only going for a year. Granted he was 10 pounds overweight at best when he started. We go 5 days a week. Different body part each day. Tuesday and Thursday we warm up by running for 15 minutes. Mon-Wed-Fri we do ab workouts halfway through whatever other body part we are focusing on. Get a notebook or fitness tracker app so you can remember what you were lifting last week. Also you don't need to count calories to be on a diet. Just eat less and eat healthier. No soda, no beer, no fast food, no candy or chips. I don't know what you look like, but I'm also 6'3 and around 200 lbs. 300lbs is way too much dude. You are cutting your life short. Your knees will also thank you for losing weight. They will probably stop bending backwards on their own if you lose it. Have a cheat day for food on the weekend, if you want.

Offline VelvetSphincter

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2019, 07:45:15 pm »
my gut doesn't like fold over that much, and I can see my pee-pee well enough.


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Offline Mind Jelqer

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #12 on: March 18, 2019, 09:59:44 pm »
but ur dick will be longer without any fupa, dog.

BTW if you don't want to buy a yoga ball for squats you can try lunges until your are strong enough for squats.

Offline VelvetSphincter

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #13 on: March 18, 2019, 10:23:55 pm »
but ur dick will be longer without any fupa, dog.

BTW if you don't want to buy a yoga ball for squats you can try lunges until you are strong enough for squats.

I have a yoga roller. I've just had a lot of false starts with losing weight focusing on food. I lost the most weight while I worked at Amazon, and ate Whataburger at 6 in the morning there every other day. Actually, Amazon was great for me. I feel mentally capable of running a marathon regardless of physique.

I've taken a liking to seltzer water, so I've been drinking more of that, but quitting eating shit cold turkey fucks me over more often than not.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2019, 10:27:07 pm by VelvetSphincter »


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Offline NeedEvolution

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #14 on: March 19, 2019, 03:23:23 am »
Cut out carbohydrates and you will lose 50 pounds or more in a few months. It's not a joke. All this work out advice is alright, but you need to lose weight and the easiest way to lose weight is to eat correctly, not to do squats. Obviously, less weight means less pain on your knees and less penis fupa promenade. If you aren't willing to make the dietary change then the best you can hope for is being a bloatmaxxer, but by the sounds of it your body can't handle it. Cut out carbs sphinct'.

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Re: Beginner work out shit
« Reply #14 on: March 19, 2019, 03:23:23 am »

 


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