Justin Pierre James Trudeau was born illegitimately on Christmas Day, 1971, to Fidel Castro and Margerat Sinclair, the wife of Canada’s most detrimental Prime Minister, Pierre Elliot Trudeau. Throughout his life, he worked as a ski instructor and drama teacher before deciding he’d like to be Prime Minister for a change. His primary talking points on the campaign trail were that he is not a Conservative, he has nice hair, and that, if elected, he will legalize marijuana. This along with the fact that the then current Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, was just some boring old Conservative lead to the perfect storm to have this Cuban bastard elected.
The important thing to note here is that all of this makes Justin the perfect leader of the Liberal Party of Canada. The dichotomy between the Liberals and the Conservatives is nothing like that of the Democrats and Republicans of the United States. Both parties are essentially the exact same, croony neo-conservatives, except that the Liberals paint everything up in nice colors. The Conservatives, however, literally only talk about jobs and ballancing the budget. For example, I’m sure you’ve seen Justin attending Muslim prayer and the Toronto Pride Parade. It’s actions that these that make him perfect. He dances around and tickles the electorates belly, while his cronies are working in the shadows.
This most recent scandal, the one I’m here to tell you about, is thus remarkable as it completely shows Trudeau and the Liberals for what they are, a bunch of seething lizards. There’s some important economic context that must quickly be covered.
The Canadian Economy actualy recovered quite well after the 2008 Collapse and was operating on par with the United States. This lasted until 2014 when OPEC price fixing tanked Canada’s oil industry, putting the Province of Alberta (Texas) out of a job. More recently, an automotive plant closed it’s doors near Toronto, putting an entire city out of a job. In the last couple months, a Québec engineering firm has been up on charges of bribery, threatening to put another Canadian industry out of business. If you recall that the Conservatives campaign only on the basis of fiscal stability and success, you will see that this offers some dangerous ammunition against Trudeau. He thus decided to take matters into his own hands.
It first started when then Minister (Secretary) of Justice and Attorney General, Jody Wilson-Raybould, was canned and reassigned as Minister of Veteran Affairs. Shortly thereafter, President of the Treasury Board, Jane Philpott, resigned from her position citing that she was uncomfortable being in the Prime Minister’s Cabinet, because Canadian Law requires Cabiniet Ministers to always act in alignment with the Prime Minister’s Office. Trudeau’s denying all of hit, but you can see the sweat on his brow, the thin scane hiding his scales, his filthy tongue twiling about in his mouth. Leaked e-mails, ethics committee investigations, exclusive interviews, everyone knows the som of that Quebecer whore will be hanging from the Peace Tower by the year’s end.
And then the recording comes out. It’s completely damning. One of the Prime Minister’s staff asking, on behalf of the Prime Minster, the Attorney to re-evaluate her decision in the Québec engineering firm’s prosecution. The whole recording stinks. He keeps talking about Trudeau being in a “firm mode” and he’ll get what he wants “one way or another.” It’s right there is those words that you truly see Trudeau for what he is. It’s perfect too, that it’s not even him making the call, yet you can still hear his slithering. He’s in the shadows eating baby birds, but in the day he’s on jogs taking selfies with a bride and groom. He’s excepting gifts from Caribbean’s after dark, then legalizing marijuana and makin’ quips during the day. He’s a bona fide slut.
But now he’s on the hook. The sheets he pissed all over are out for everyone to see. He won’t last long. The opposition will grab onto this and shout out to the masses:
Here ye, here ye, my electorat, my people, my fellow countryman! Who is this man that doth stand before you. Does he not stand under oath to his country? To our Queen? To God Himself? And in the sole duty to do right for this mighty land? Then why, I ask you, does he allow himself to such debauchery? To such such dishevelling crookedness? Will you stand for this? Will we let this buffoon walk over us? Or will we stand against him? I bid of you, I plead of you, take hockey stick and torch, march onwards to Parliament, and assist me in hanging this man. Bah! To even call him a man is an affront to Queen and God.
6:30 PM local time
April 6th, 2019
Prime Minister’s Office
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
“Mr. Prime Minister we need to go.”
“I know, I know, I’m almost ready.”
“Now, Mr. P-“
I drop to the floor. The only thing I can here is my heavy panting. I sound like a dog. It’s legal to get head from those here. I allow that. I recollect myself grab my stack of incriminating papers and run.
Holy shit they just blew up the Senate. I can hear them screaming my name. If I can just make it to the riv-
“There he is!”
Oh fuck I’m done for. They’re getting closer. I trip. They’ve got me. As the drag me to the elevator they make me aware of my crimes. Just kill me already!
“My son’s a faggot, because he saw you at the Pride parade.”
“My daughter sucks cock to get her LEGAL dope!”
“You’re a fucking Cuban!”
“I haven’t been able to get a job!”
“I just like to hurt people.”
The noose is tight, my instincts tell me get it off, but I obviously can’t. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. I wish this was over.
There he rests, swaying in the wind, in front of the face of the clock of the Peace Tower on parliament Hill for all in the Candain Regional District to see. This is the consequence of crimes against the Canadian people. Take note.