SMF - Just Installed!
I once ran down three peta protesters because i was rejected by some girl I was obsessed with. I'd say past few weeks I've been on the brink obsessing over stupid /pol/ shit that doesn't matter.
Dropped acid and ordered pizza and when it arrived I couldn’t figure out what to do with it and then I wasn’t sure if I was alive and I had a panic attack for the next 24 hours
did you inspire that jimmy neutron episode?
Stayed up for days at a time for like 4 months due to severe depression. I wanted to kill myself since I was a kid. Starting going completely fucking nuts in my late teens and having full sensory hallucinations daily. That was the closest I ever got to killing myself, but I refused to do what I saw as the easy way out. Instead I made plans to just disappear with whatever I could fit in my backpack and start a new life. I would curl up in my bed and fantasize a world where I didn't exist, or just contemplate nothingness. This helped calm me. I began self-improving because I hated who I was. I felt like the word had made me it's bitch and it was time I grew a backbone did something about it. One day after a very bad episode I tried to do my little meditation and it didn't work. I was mentally repeating, "I don't exist," over and over when I finally heard a voice that said, "No, you do exist." I suddenly felt like I was being crushed and pulled through something. I saw a bright flash of light even though my eyes were closed. I was drenched in sweat and started crying. Something told me that I had my second chance now and that I'd essentially been reborn. I got better very rapidly after that. Never had any hallucinations or weird delusions again.Worked at Amazon and didn't see daylight for about 2 months. It was so bleak there. I was hiding an injury because they found ways to lay off anyone who got hurt very quickly. Everything bad you've heard about working for them is 100% true, if not worse. Though I have heard they have several fulfillment centers that are actually cool to be at. I would walk around and sometimes have my head roll back and my vision would start going black from exhaustion. I luckily never actually collapsed. I'd stand at the third floor of the mezzanine, looking down to the warehouse floor as I wondered if anything there would change for the better if I jumped, and also because I just wanted to die. I put up with all of this because I finally had almost all of my problems sorted out and wanted to prove to myself that I could hack it and take part in society, rather than being a depressed NEET. I got better almost immediately after quitting. I love the sun so much now. Found another job that I loved full of coworkers that I also loved being around in only 2 days.I got rear-ended driving home from work several years later. The guy was going 60 mph in a big van while I was at a stoplight. I was pushed forward and started a chain reaction collision with several other cars in front of me. My seatbelt didn't lock up and I was clutching the steering wheel keeping my arms locked to stop myself from smashing into the windshield. I fucked up my back, neck, and shoulders. The guy in front of me had a concussion and some sort of a neck injury. The guy who crashed into me was concussed even worse and broke his arm and some other bones. I thought he was dead at first when I got to him. None of us could get our cars off the road. I was the only person moving around after the crash and was basically running around in the street trying to make sure everyone was alive while I had a bystander call for an ambulance because I couldn't find where my phone flew off to. I realized when I got home that something was seriously wrong with my head. Things became a little more clear and I realized I was speaking mostly gibberish to people on the side of the road. I had called my dad to pick me up and take me to my place and got into an argument with him about where I was. He kept asking where I was, and I just kept yelling things like, "What the fuck are you talking about? I'm here! I'm right here! Come get me!" I couldn't tell the cop what town I was even in. Turned out I also had a head injury. I remember looking in the mirror later and thinking something to the effect of, "The person that used to live in this body is dead now. My personality has been totally altered and I'm basically just a stranger in this body." I starting getting extremely depressed again. My emotions would change randomly. I struggled with my identity. I was suicidal again. I was smoking the dankest weed I'd ever encountered daily just to try to feel a little more normal. I eventually started to get better. Stopped smoking. Had more days where I felt like myself again. Eventually I was in an okay enough state that I scheduled physical therapy and also therapy with a shrink. I told my therapist about all the other shit I'd dealt with as well in the past and we went to work. I'm now fully healed and have a clean bill of mental health.I have many other stories, but I don't really wanna go more into it. I had a really bad time growing up, but I've finally put it all behind me. Before I moved across the country I said a prayer for every person who had hurt me. I forgave them and prayed for them to be free of their guilt and find peace. I don't know if I believe in a higher being, but it really helps me to live as if somebody has their eyes on me. Today at work I had to force myself to not cry while working with customers because I was stuck thinking about how grateful I was for everything that I have now. I'm very proud of who I've become. It blows me away knowing that there are people who are now jealous of me. I was such a fucking loser.I don't know your story because I've been too busy to really look at this forum for the past couple months, but please get some help if you're goin' nutso. Posting about it on a board where you're essentially anonymous can feel good, but if you haven't yet, let somebody who can actually have your back irl know what's going on. I never told anybody shit about what I was going through until it was nearly over. Looking back that was a huge mistake. I could have gotten better years earlier.I feel like a retarded psycho for even telling my story here lol, but I always try to help anybody who's going through some crazy shit now.